Theatrical Review of JCVD

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In 1939, MGM promoted "Ninotchka" as the film in which "Garbo smiles." Nearly 70 years later, "JCVD" arrives in theaters described as the film in which "Van Damme cries." At this point, the similarities between the two films end.

"JCVD" kicks off with one of the most exciting opening sequences of any 2008 film. In a five-minute unbroken shot, a perfectly-pumped Jean-Claude Van Damme races across a sprawling film set, racing just ahead of exploding cars, spin-kicking bad guys into walls, and hitting his marks like a true professional. It´s a tour-de-force achievement that´s a testament not only to the talents of director Mabrouk El Mechri and his stunt coordinators but also to the enduring athletic ability of the Muscles from Brussels, now in his late 40s.

The film not only starts with a bang, but also with a great premise. For the first time, audiences are privy to the man behind the Muscles, a sensitive, vulnerable working Joe who´s life is every bit as screwed up as anyone else´s. He´s embroiled in a bitter custody fight for his child, and he´s also flat broke. His competition for film roles has become intense. His agent drops a bombshell on him. The studio has decided to go with "Steven" instead: "He´s agreed to cut off his ponytail!" How the heck can JCVD compete with that?

The film thrives when it follows the "real" Van Damme through his most quotidian chores. Watch Van Damme ride in a cab! See Van Damme pose for a picture with fans! Hold onto your seat as Van Damme punches speed dial on his cell phone! The tone is one of quiet melancholy, as the actor appears all-too-aware that his star has faded, but isn´t yet willing to stop fighting the good fight for the privilege of being the biggest B-action star in the world. After all, you can´t lose to Steven! Not even if he´s willing to cut off his pony tail.

Unfortunately, El Mechri and co-writers Frédéric Benudis and Christophe Turpin aren´t secure enough to let their action star wander through an entire film without any action. Back in Belgium, Van Damme unwittingly finds himself mixed up in a bank robbery during which he is mistakenly identified as one of the perpetrators. As you can imagine, news that the "real" Jean-Claude Van Damme is holding up a bank spreads rapidly and crowds gather to cheer and jeer. Van Damme has finally found a way to regain the public spotlight, but not necessarily in a way that will help him or his custody trial.

"JCVD" sputters badly during the bank heist scenes which, unfortunately, make up the bulk of the film. In scene after scene, Van Damme simply sits in a room looking miserable and waiting for something to happen, a fate shared by the audience. But nothing happens for a long, long time. The tedium is broken up by several flashbacks that prove far more interesting than the main action. Van Damme´s resigned effort to mollify a cab driver/fan who is irritated by the star´s supposed standoffishness is perhaps the finest piece of acting the star has ever committed to film.

Alas, we keep returning to the bank and waiting, and waiting, and waiting. The point, I suppose, is that while the on-screen Van Damme would kick ass and forget to take names later, the "real" Van Damme hasn´t got any moves that work against guys with guns. But no matter how "meta" the narrative is supposed to be, the fact is that it´s still a bank heist movie, and a boring one at that. And it goes on forever.

The signature scene in the film has been much-discussed ever since "JCVD" hit the festival circuit. At one point, the action stops and Van Damme´s chair rises through a stage so he (the real "real" Van Damme?) can directly address the audience. He makes an impassioned plea to his fans for understanding. This is where he cries. It would be a more heartfelt moment if there was something a more substantial to the image of Jean-Claude Van Damme than that of a really buff guy who hits people. As it stands, the scene a mere curiosity, memorable but not particularly compelling or convincing.

"JCVD" features several effective scenes, but it is just another instance of a great idea that remains largely unexplored. The seeds of a fine movie are here, but they´re cast on rocky soil.

A 5/10 on the DVDTown scale.

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